i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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