theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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