hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
