It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
