you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
