You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
