so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
