We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
