am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
