What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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