I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
