What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
