I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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