mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize