Soap is not a condiment
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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