Can Purell be used as lube?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
