I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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