It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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