No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
