Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
