and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
