Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No subtext here. People are naked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
