Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
