one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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