so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
