so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
