Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
