Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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