Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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