who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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