you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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