i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
