Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We need a shit load of segways right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize