Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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