Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
