I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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