Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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