if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
