I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
