After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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