Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
