Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want to fling myself into the sun
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
