I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
