Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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