so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
