The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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