dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
