all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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