i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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