I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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