i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
