Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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