Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
