I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
