Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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