I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
