He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
