I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
