Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize