Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
