he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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