Where is the hickey?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
