Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
