i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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