How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
